I stint can't sleep!!!

What a nightmare!  I bet even Freddy Krugger hates stints in the esophagus.  This little bugger has me in so much pain that I can barely stand it.  It toys with me too.  I get to this point when I think I can just fall asleep and then BAH-WAMO!  The chest pains kick into overdrive and my throat starts burning.  I'm even jacked up on morphine and acid reducers.

Think that's bad?  Let me introduce you to an old friend, "The Heave Monster"  You remember that nasty cus don't you?  That feeling you get just before the contents of your guts come out of your mouth with Exorcist intentions.  Yeah!  That bugger.  Well let him hang out with a stint for a while.  WOW!  What a difference that makes.  You have no control over your stomach reflexes or the throat for that matter.  If it wants out it's gonna try, and fail miserably.  It's funny how this works.  You feel like you are about to blow chunks (I'm not talking about the clown either you sick bastards), then...NOTHING!!!  There you are positioned over the porcelain altar and everything is good to flow.  Nope, you feel that rise come up and then what feels like pressure build up and just when you think it's time to explode, it all settles down and just burns the throat and your chest starts to hurt real bad.  You pound on your chest, you jump up and down, you jerk around like a madman, and repeat steps one and two, then you cuss the damn dog for getting under your feet, and you stare at the innocent lady sleeping on the couch with a look that would probably scare the shit out of her if she woke up at that moment.  Then it all settles down and you feel like passing out, but wait there's more!  Just when you are about to fade to black; the hiccups start and the process starts all over again.

That my friends is how it has been all night.  I think I will just sit on the couch and read a Predator book that I picked up and see what happens.  Either I will get pretty far in the book and not remember a damn word of it, or I will remember, or I will fall asleep and deal with the burning throat when I wake up.  Last night I fell asleep on the couch all propped up and suffered when I woke up.  My wife said I looked peaceful and stuff when she got up and went to work.  Maybe that will work again.

This stint thing does have it's benefits though.  I'm not sure what the hell they are yet, but the doctors told me it's the last ditch effort before a feeding tube gets installed.  I haven't eaten anything all day.  I've drank Ensure and other supplemental drinks just to get the protein and vitamins that I need.  So I know that I am not just withering away with hunger pains.  Hell No!  I looked at myself in the mirror the other night in the hotel room, boy don't do that with a full body mirror (unless you're a hot ass model) and expect to see anything good.  I saw a skinny ass person standing in front of me with what looked like skin sucked tight over some bones.  I wonder if they need a toothless zombie on "The Walking Dead" show?  It wouldn't take much to kill it, just let it gum a body and starve.  I guess that wouldn't be active enough for a show.  It would be funny as hell to watch for a minute though.

Damn here we go again,  I'll be back!  Thank the maker for Lysol Click Gels (the toilet bowl cleaner)!  Those little bastards help keep the nasty aroma of the shitter down to a minimum, when you have your face bobbing in and out of the area!  All that heaving and no blood.  A damn good thing if you ask me.  It hurt just as bad as slamming your pinky finger in the car door, or getting your genitalia caught in a zipper.  A sharp quick pain that fades away in a little while and leaves one with a hell of a reminder.  Fold, tuck, shimmy, pull, or whatever you feel like doing just so you don't do that again. Except that I don't know what the hell I'm doing to make this happen.

I know my wife is sleeping good, I wish I could sleep like that.  She fell asleep on the couch and then went to bed and I swear that she damn near didn't miss a beat in the snoring category.  Funny thing about my wife and her snoring.  If she reads this she will probably kick my ass, but it is funny.  One night she fell asleep with a tommy problem.  I swear to you that this actually happened.  I shit you not!  She would snore loudly while inhaling and then when she exhaled, she would give out a little toot and say "cuse me" in a little voice and she repeated that for over an hour with each breathe.  You gotta love a woman that could accomplish making you laugh while she sleeps.  There is a sort of simplicity to life when you experience those moments.  "Snore, fart, cuse me"  Oh my, just thinking about that moment helped with the pain, or maybe it's the morphine.  I know that my wife is struggling with this stuff as well.  She sometimes has to go into another room when she sees me having trouble like what I described earlier.  There is nothing she can do to help or to ease the pain, and she knows it.  It bugs the hell out of her.  I know that it would piss me off, if I were in that situation.  At least at the moment she is not having to deal with it.  I watch her sometimes when she sleeps.  She looks so peaceful and content with the world.  I have no idea how she is dealing with all of this and not blowing up.  I'm not gonna say I'm expecting her to blow up, she has dealt with a lot of shit in her life, and I believe she has the mindframe to pull through this as well.  Don't get me wrong here.  I know that she is venting to someone when I can't hear her.  I would do the same if I were in her shoes.  A person has to vent.  Whatever she is doing, I hope she is able to continue to do it throughout this treatment.

I guess that will do it for the night.  I just had another spell in the throne room and this time I feel really tired.  So I'm going to try and get some sort of rest.  Have a good weekend folks and hopefully I get to see some of you soon.

It's Stint Time

Well I had a stint installed yesterday at the University of Utah. They placed it over the tumor (which has grown 3cm and is now 9cm long) and into my stomach. So hopefully in a few days I will be able to eat again. We have been in Salt Lake City most of the week. We arrived on Monday and will be leaving for home Friday morning. What a week it has been. The other night I walked into a Wal-Mart and was denied entry. I had on my Chemo bag and was told that I had to take it off or leave the store. I did talk to the assistant manager the next morning. She apologized for the employee's actions and told me that I was allowed in. I plan on writing a formal complaint to HQ when I get home. Some people just don't have the ability to show customers any curtacy when it comes to medical care. The lady that night was rude and like my wife said,  she profiled me as a thief. To think that she greets all medical patients with a bag connected to them this way is appalling. I went to a different store, and it just got robbed as I was walking in. The guy at the door asked me to place my bag in a locker. When I told him what it was he apologized and said to come on in. He politely handled the situation even after watching a man run from the store with a hand cart full of stuff.
Wal-Mart's Facebook page for that particular store apologized to me online and told me to come to the store and talk with the management. Which I have done. They apologized and told me that the associate will be told to let people with a bag hooked up to them is allowed in the store. I intend on writing HQ about it. Some people need more practical advice on customer service before they are dealing with them without supervision. Some people need to be recognized for their customer relations as well. I have most of the information that I need to write HQ a letter.
Anyways....
I woke up this morning with a case of severe heartburn. Hoochie momma! I sucked on some antacids and got the burn to chill a bit. So for the next few days I will have to be careful on what I eat. I should be able to eat normally by Monday. That will be just #buttmunchiecrunchy
We watched a couple movies while here. The Witch wasn't as good as the trailer made it out to be (2.5/7). Gods of Egypt was ok (5/7). The best time on this trip was spent with my wife on Wednesday. We went to the Clark Planetarium and the Leonardo Museum. We have memberships to them and the zoo thanks to some friends.  So we try to check them out while we have some down time.
Thanks for stopping by and I hope you have a good weekend.

Sickness and Ideas

One thing about having cancer is that getting things set up is an ongoing process.  I could see why some people chose to just deal with cancer on their own terms.  There is a lot of paperwork.  I bet We've done enough paperwork to supply a small army with ass wipe for a month.  What's funny about it is that if I fill out the forms, then I'm sure a mental hospital will eventually get involved.  Who really puts alien abductions and skittle farting unicorns onto medical forms?  Well I do.  I get so bored with some of these forms that I have to add some humor to them.  Come on!  Why ask a person, "Why do you think you have cancer?"  When a person is going through this shit, one tends to forget about all the other shit in life that use to get your panties in an up roar.  I don't have to deal with the crap I use to simply because I don't do a lot of stuff anymore.  I wouldn't say I miss those things.  I do miss leaving the house every morning.

OK here's a typical day.  You don't really want to laugh too hard, or have a sneeze fit, or the hiccups.  When those things arrive, you better be close to a shitter or have on depends.  The slightest jolt could send another sensation to your drawers or possibly through them.  Have you ever been so sick or disoriented that you don't know if your gonna puke, shit, piss, sneeze, or blow chunks everywhere while sitting on the throne?  Well I have.  It's not a fun scenario but at least I found some humor in it while lying on the bathroom floor.  A new invention idea popped into my head recently.  Add a garbage disposal to a tub.  That way when you feel like what I described above, you can lay in the tub and just the good times flow.

Another thing one should do is have someone else to talk to about ideas.  When your brain is on so many different drugs and stuff, your ideas may seems cool at the moment, but they really do suck.  Imagine a world if you will, where all vehicles had shitters in them.  What a smelly road we would travel on.  I thought of this while on the road and not really knowing where we were.

Hopefully you guys had a good laugh.

An old song redone...

Hello Internet, my old friend.  I’ve come to talk to you again.  Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping.  The vision that was planted in my brain still remains.  Within the sound of keystrokes.  In restless dreams I browsed alone.  A shallow screen of a darker tone.  Beneath the halo of a dim lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp.  When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a LCD light, that split the night, and touched the sound of keystrokes.  In the naked light I saw Ten thousand people, maybe more.  People talking without speaking.  People hearing without listening.  People writing words that voices never share, and no one dared disturb the sound of keystrokes.  “Fools,” said I, “You do not know, silence like a cancer grows.”  Hear my words that I might teach you.  Take my arms that I might reach you.  My words like silent raindrops fell and echoed in the posts of silence.  People bowed and prayed, to the LCD God they made.  The screen flashed out it’s warning, in the words that it was forming.  The screen said, “The words of the Prophets are written on the subway halls and Facebook walls and whispered in the sound of silence…

That is a rendition of Paul Simon’s “Sound of Silence.”  I decided to share this version with you, because the original was written in 1963 - 1964 and it fit the scene then.  So to fit in the world today a few things needed to be changed.  Especially when dealing in the form of communication that we tend to default to today.  Last night as I was lying in bed, I was thinking about the stuff I saw online.  Of course I was listening to music.  The version of this song I heard was by Disturbed.  I began to ponder on the song and how it seemed to fit the mood on Facebook.  Many people post things on that website, that probably shouldn’t be shared worldwide.  Yet we do so, and we do it more frequently than we speak with our mouths.  In essence the sound of silence is replaced with the sound of keystrokes.  The darker tones that people share online cast a shadow over the enlightened words of encouragement.  Stop and look at the screen while on Facebook and you will see that most of the encouraging messages are written on pictures or drawings that are shared.  The same could be said about the negative messages.  We went from a social society of meeting friends in places to talk about the trials of life, to one that would rather copy and paste pictures and drawings of short messages from behind a screen.  When we use to talk to others face to face, we could see the meaning as well as feel it.  Now we are left to interpret the meaning on our own.  Sometimes that message is interpreted wrong, and we get offended by the lack of attention we intended to receive.

I see people trying to spread good messages, but they are shrouded by asking people to “Like, Share, and Reply with a certain word.”  What is sort of funny about this is that a bunch of us use a device that could be used to actually hear the other person’s voice, but we’d rather post on Facebook or use the same device to send a text message one after another to hold a conversation for several minutes.  Don’t people miss the sound of a friend’s or loved one’s voice?  The personal interaction has evolved from a physical one to a hidden one.  Let me explain that a little more.  We use to have to leave the comfort of our home to go visit a sick friend or family member.  Once there we could talk about our lives and see the other person’s reactions as we spoke.  Now all we have to do is get online and write on their Facebook wall or send them a text message.  Our physical reactions as we communicate this way are hidden, the other person never gets to see it, unless they are right there next to us as we send the message (which I have seen a group of people sitting at a table talk to each other without ever speaking a word).  I’ve seen this sort of behavior seep into other aspects of life as well.  I know several people that are old enough to get a Driver’s license put off getting one.  I use to think it had to do with laziness, but now I see that it has more to do with the way we interact with others.  We don’t need to have a vehicle to visit others.  All we need is a device to send messages, and we can do so while lying naked in bed or on the shitter and no one would be the wiser.

Motivation is key.

The deal with waiting is the questions begin to emerge in different ways.  I still haven't heard anything.  My Dr. said that the pains should be getting better and not worse.  So what does that mean?  Only time will tell.  This morning I have the opportunity to listen to my music channel on SiriusXM.  I haven't heard that channel in a long time.  I use to jam to it at work.  I miss those days.

So today I feel like crap.  I feel like I have the flu.  I don't have a temperature or anything, so that is good.  I don't need to see a doctor today....knock on wood.  I hope this passes soon.  I have some stuff that I would (no need) to get done.  I don't think I need help today.  If I do I will call people.  So since I got my jams working in the house (finally!), I might be able to get motivated in the right direction.  Music has helped me in the past.

So what do you guys do to get motivated?

I'm also going to shave!  Damn this mug is getting pretty hairy and itchy!  I kissed my wife and my whiskers poked her...LOL.  The grey is kinda cool, but the patchy stuff is wrong.  IS that the chemo?  Who knows.  I'm losing the hair on my noodle.  I think that has more to do with age then chemo.  Oh yeah...Papa Roach!

Alright I'm out of here.  If I hear from the doc, I'll let you all know.

A mixed up round.

So this round trip took an extra day.  Not because of the weather like in the past.  It was due to having to retake a scan.  I had a scan done in Casper, WY.  The images my Dr. got were out of focus, only in one view, and the place that did the scan didn't even have me take any contrast or dye.  Thier report said that chemo is working.  My Dr. asked me about the pains I was having.  I told him that the pains are getting worse and that eating is getting harder to do.  So he asked me to stay another day to re-take the scan.  I should know more about that tomorrow.  To add insult to injury, I forgot my chemo pump back home.  I had to wait for a guy to bring me a new one.  It took several hours to get to me, and I'm very grateful that he got to me at all.  The folks out of the Rock Springs IV place are just as awesome as those in Huntsman.

I hate not knowing how the tests went.  The waiting sucks major ass.  I know that I will get some news in the next few days.  Is it good or bad or do things look the same?  I thought about what it could mean if the pain is getting worse and eating is getting harder, but what do I do or say when the Dr. says the scans look good?  I've told him my concerns and he said he would look into it.  So at least I won't be in the dark too long.

The money is starting to get low now.  I no longer have medical insurance through BCBS.  All I have to rely on right now is IHS.  Which is helping.  We have to get an OK from them to do anything right now, and I'm sure that one day soon they will say no.  They've said it before.  I have filed for disability (not sure if I qualify).  I will be talking to them again in the near future.  I also have an appointment with my financial counselor through Huntsman tomorrow.  Hopefully things work out.

This round has left me doing a lot of questioning.  Maybe it's the chemo brain effect, maybe not.  WHat I do know is that my body is telling me it hurts.  It sucks to know that I won't be able to do much tomorrow, especially without any pain medication, which I do have.  I have to rely on the stuff just to get dressed and out of bed.  This isn't like dealing with the pain from an injured spine.  I wish that was all I had to deal with, at least I was able to work with that.  Not this shit.  Cancer has changed my life in many ways that I thought it could never do.  I have to depend on others to do things like drive me places, help with household chores, and even remind me to do stuff.  I feel like a worthless prick on the days that I just lay on the couch or in bed and do nothing.  Those days are increasing as well.  When will that end?  I know, when I get passed the cancer bullshit.

On the brighter side of things, I have a good team looking after me, and we are all communicating on the next steps (even though we have to wait for results) to take next time.  So I know that things will workout.  I pray a lot for my family and friends.  I seldom pray for myself, it just kinda feels wrong to do.  I've asked God to do a lot for me in the past.  So I kinda keep it on the down low, since cancer is more important than making it to a fucking movie or living till a cd comes out.  That's the kinda shit I use to ask for.  So yeah, it feels too selfish to ask for a cure to cancer at this point.  Right now the feelings of my family are more important.  So I try to make them laugh, since I already made them cry.  I'm not putting up a front with them, I'm being honest with them.  I just hate to see them cry or suffer.  A quality I wish more people in my life had.  I know some people that put themselves before anybody else.  I wish they could see how that is hurting the ones that love them deeply.  It won't until they walk across a bridge that they will never get to cross again.  By that time it might be too late to fix any problems.  I know a bunch of selfish fuckers too.  Everything they have or do is better then anyone else and there is nothing that anyone can do better then they can.  Well I've got a challenge for them, get cancer fucker and see how you do!  Not that I wish this shit on anyone!  But hey, fuck it, if I can do this and I'm an average guy; then an almighty bastard should cruise through this with no issues.

Sorry for the language tonight.  I'm just a tad bit pissy and yes I have chemo pumping through me right now.  Is that an excuse?  OK, maybe not.  I get it.  Maybe I'm just tired.  Now don't get rude with me on the subject.  That's kinda the point of this blog right?  To tell it like it is.  I'm just trying to share my thoughts and feelings here.  I will say this though; I've heard from people recently, that I haven't heard from in a long time.  I didn't mean that in a bad way.  No!  I mean that in a good way.  We all have our own lifes to live.  Our paths have gone different ways.  So since I started this blog, I have been in contact with people that I normally wouldn't have.  It's kinda nice.

OK my blog is messing up tonight, something about saving to the server.  SO I'm going to end for the night and publish this and see how it goes.  SO if you can't read the last part, then you'll just have to wait until I fix it.  OK here goes......LAST PART!!!!!  LOL.

What a day!

Me recently

As you can see there is a new look to this blog.  It is just one of the few things that I have been doing, since I can't sleep.  Today has been a very rough day.  It started out OK, but before lunch it got bad.  I don't know why but it did.  Well I guess this post will cover two days, since it is now almost 3am.

Since yesterday my gut has been hurting, like really fucking bad!  Sorry for the cussing but sometimes when I write I get into the flow and I really don't feel like editing out the foul language.  If it offends you...well then all I can say is I'm sorry, but you might want to get use to it, or simply stop following this blog.  As you might be able to tell, I'm not in the cheeriest mood right now.  Maybe some of you can relate or maybe you understand.  At any point, right now I just need to spill the beans as they fall.  I will try to keep the cussing down to a minimum but like I said before, if the flow is running then my foul mouth will not be censored.  So with that said let's move on the reason for writing tonight.  Well maybe just one other disclaimer before we begin, right now it is early (like I said before its 3am) so if something doesn't make any sense just bear with me.  I'm tired and my brain seems to be wondering...

So when the pain started this morning (yesterday), I got on the couch and laid there for what seemed to be hours.  It was really only twenty minutes.  As I was laying there all I could think about was how this pain was messing up my plans for the day.  What I had intended to do wouldn't come to light at all.  A first for me since I've been home.  Some days the pain got bad, but it went away or at least died down.  It started after trying to eat.  Man my chest felt like an alien was burst out of it.  I wondered if Ripley could give me some advice on the matter, so I got up and tried to find one of the "Alien" movies.  No such luck, at least for several hours.  I realized that Steven had taken those movies to his room to watch.  He loves those movies.  I didn't feel like sitting in his room going through his shelves just to find a movie.  So I did the next best thing and put on Netflix.  I started to watch a show about outdoor adventures.  That seemed to help.  It took my mind off of laying on the couch in pain.  Although the pain was still there and it hurt like hell to move, I was able to enjoy watching the two hosts walk around the wilderness.  It got me thinking about the hiking trip I took last year.  I went camping with Steve and John at Atlantic Lake.  We had a good time fishing and hiking.

Windy Lake; above Lander, Wyoming

 This picture was taken on day two.  It is the outlet of Windy Lake.  I tried to find a different picture, but they seem to be on the house PC.  Since I do all my writing on my laptop, not all of my pictures are available right now.  Anyways, on that trip we caught some Golden Trout.  Which is funny, because as John told me that Goldens aren't a trout but rather a Char.  At least that's what I think he said.  If I'm wrong let me know.  It will give me something to tease John about.  We had a good time.  This year the hike wasn't as bad as the trip before (2014 or 2013).  That trip sucked major ass.  We made the four mile hike in full on fishing gear.  Waders, water shoes, tackle vests, and water bottles in our packs.  Man that hike seemed to take forever.  Not to mention that I was still having neck and back issues.

  ***Now a message from our Sponsor***  COFFEE BREAK!!!  What a Fuck-Tard!  I just tried to stir my coffee, sugar, and creamer before adding the coffee!!!

This trip found me in better spirits, because I had the surgery done the November before.  I'm not sure exactly when we went on our trip (August or September 2015).  I think it was close to hunting season though.  So I was in better shape then the trip before.  We each had our own tents and our own water pumps and Jet Boils and we shared some food.  Of Course we did dine on the fish we had caught in Atlantic Lake.  Here is a kind of panoramic shot of Windy Lake.

South Windy Lake

North Windy Lake

Middle Windy Lake

 OK, I had to find these pictures.  They were on Facebook.  That lake lived up to it's name.  It was windy as hell up there and watching John and Steve fly fish it was fun.  They did catch fish though.  Well we didn't catch very many fish, but we did catch fish, all Goldens too.  Our buddy Josh missed out.  Maybe next year (or hell even better, this year) we can convince Josh to come back from Montana for a camping trip.

So back to my day.  I know, bummer right?  The day found me in a lot of pain and on the couch.  There was very little I could do.  I didn't even want to play a video game.  Shocker there!  I mean it took everything I had just to run a TV remote with one hand.  The other hand was on a pillow holding it next to my guts.  It helps somewhat but not enough to say it went away.  Of course I took my medications.  That just added to the feeling like shit part of it.  The meds do make the pain tolerable for the most part, yet again, this time it's getting worse.  It is to be expected, or so my doctors say.  That's why they put me on pain meds.  "You have to try to live life comfortably Kurth, and try not to tough it out."  My Doctors tell me almost every time I see them.  I don't like being high!  What! Did Kurth Warren just say that!  No, not that former POT-HEAD!  Yes indeed you mother.....OK I'll censor that.  I stopped smoking pot years ago.  I had the desire to hold a job over getting stoned.  Now I don't even want to smoke weed.  Not even if the Doctors tell me it's OK.  Which they have by the way).  Well not smoke it but rather a pill.  So there I was on the couch and my outdoor adventure show was over.  My dog Bodhi had climbed up on the couch with me and I had lost the remote, so I

Bodhi on his favorite spot on the couch.

just let the TV play what was ever next in line.  Why Netflix went from a outdoor show to a dinosaur documentary was beyond me.  I didn't have any documentary on my playlist.  Although after watching "Dinosaur 13"  I might.  It was interesting enough for me to keep watching it, even after Bodhi got up and I found the remote.  How that little guy can get around is beyond me.  He is almost completely blind (poor Bodhi).  Bodhi has been my Pal that is for sure.  He knows something is wrong with me.  He is always at my side or under my feet.  So when I'm home, I'm never alone.  If it wasn't for him, I would have gone mad weeks ago.  If you have been looking at the picture of Bodhi then you might have noticed the white legs.  If you have been following me or if you know me, then you probably know what that is.  If not, then let me fill you in.  It's a Stormtrooper!  Darth Vader is on the other side of the TV.  I'll take a picture of them tomorrow, no wait, next week.  We are sending the TV back to the store.  I can't afford it anymore.  So we decided to reduce our monthly payments.  We have two other Wide Screen TVs so it's not a big deal.  I do miss having the money to buy whatever I wanted to.  But that's life.  You spend money when you have it, and don't spend it when you're as broke as...  No need to go there, just yet.  We aren't actually hurting financially yet.  That will be next month though I'm afraid.  It really does suck not working.  I wish that I could go to work.  At least then I wouldn't be freaking out about the bills.  Like I said, we are OK for now.  I know that will change very soon.  I lost my insurance, since I had it through work.  I'm happy the tribes are paying for my treatment for the next few visits.  How long that will last who knows.  Hopefully it lasts until the disability stuff kicks in.  Man I'm still not use to saying that.

Anyway!  It's past 4am now.  I'm still not tired!  So I think I'm going to end this post.  I will continue to mess with the blog site stuff, so come back and see what's new.  I'm still working on a page for the story for this blog.  So far it doesn't look good.  I might have to place the story on the main page, which could get confusing, by getting mixed up with the regular posts.  I will find out if the chemo is working or not on Monday.  Maybe I'll write to you guys while I'm there.  It all depends on how I feel and stuff.  Speaking of...  If you guys are ever in Salt Lake City on a Monday let me know.  I'm there every other Monday.  I can have visitors as long as you are not ill.  I'm sure Raenae could use some company.  She gets bored sitting there.  I tend to send her on a goose chase in the city, just to give her something to do.  She has been a trooper.  So again, if you guys see her in town, stop and say hello to her and ask her how she is doing.  She could use a pick me up or a complement from someone other than me.  For that matter, so could my family; Earl, Linda, Kari, Chelsie, Kaleb, Mason, Gracie, Bobby, Tyler, Shelby (Jayce), Steven, Mary, Steve and of course Molly and Bodhi.  They all have been worried about me.  I hope that those of you that are praying for me are praying for them as well.  I believe that they could use it.  I know it must be hard for them.  My nephew Mason asked me if the cancer was what was hurting me while we were hunting this past fall.  I told him it was.  That kid cracks me up, but makes one think too.  He said, "I fucking hate cancer."  He is only 12 years old.  I asked him why he said that.  He told me why he hates cancer.  To think that a kid that young has been affected by cancer in the way he has is remarkable.  He understands what it is and what it can do.  I may not be his favorite uncle, but I am his uncle and he loves me.  That much he tells me when I see him.  OK, I've blabbed long enough.  So until our next meeting...

Take care and I hope that you guys have a good weekend.

Update Test Today!

Well the day is almost here!  Tomorrow I will be taking some tests to see how the treatment is going.  I’m a bit nervous, but not as nervous as I’ll be when I see the doctor on February 8^th.  I won’t stress too much…just a tad.  I believe things are going to be good.

This last trip to Salt Lake was a good one.  My wife and I spent the day (before the games) out Geocaching.  We finally achieved 300 caches!  We meet our goal!  Now it’s time for the 500 mark.  On Monday I got to see some Family members that I haven’t seen in a long time.  It was nice!  They came to see me at Huntsman.  Later that day I got to meet a person that has one of my travel bugs, and has taken it across the world.  I will post a picture of it on Facebook.  On the way home, I made my wife stop so I could get started on my 500 mark.  I got one!  So only 199 more to go.  Man was it cold that night.  I found out that caching with the chemo bag on is not a good idea.  Holy Crap!  My feet got really cold and when we went to a gas station they asked if I was OK.  I was walking like I had no feet.  I looked funny walking that way.  Something I know that the All Service Employees have seen and probably had a good laugh with.  I know I do when I see myself walking that way.

Since my last post, some things have changed.  I’ve been in a lot of pain (which is now under control) and trying to eat was getting worse.  I am going to start a somewhat more of a liquid diet for a few days, just to get my weight back up.  Don’t worry, I’m not skin and bones yet.  Speaking of that I almost forgot.  To achieve our 300 mark for Geocaching we had to go inside a museum.  They had this cool exhibit about mummies.  I got to thinking; how many people in the ancient world had died of cancer and never really understood what was happening to them.  How sad it must have been to experience.  I am glad that times have changed and that we now have the technology to fight cancer.  OK back to the regularly scheduled program.  I have also obtained some gear to help with the cold.  So if you see a green face skull all bundled up, walking to the Post Office in Shoshoni, that would be me.  SO don’t freak out and hit me with your car, please!

I think I got all of my paperwork done for the government that I need to.  I was on the phone with them today and things are looking pretty good.  I’m not sure what all they will help with, but I’m sure it will be better than nothing and not near as much as I use to make.  At least they were nice.

I have some friends out there that are starting to go through what I am going through.  One is getting the run-around and that really sucks.  We’ve talked some, and I have a gut feeling that he will beat it.  He is a Veteran and a strong willed person.  Hopefully he reads these posts.  Just to keep him smiling.

Well folks, it’s that time again.  I must go to bed (2:30am) right now.  I have to get up in a few hours and head to my test in Casper.  It will suck for a moment; no coffee or eats till after the tests.  I can at least have some warm water till then.  Have a wonderful day, and it starts with how you preserve the day, and only the day. 

About not working

So now it’s official.  I am unemployed.  I never thought that I would enter this category, in the method that I did.  I thought maybe due to the fall in oil prices, or maybe an injury.  I never thought it would be because I became a liability, or the pain would be too severe, or the cold would get to me, or the amount of time I have to spend at home hooked up to a bag of chemicals, and worst of all, that I just couldn’t do the work.  If I had anything to bitch about having cancer, it would be not working.  I know that this is a period in my life that I must go through.  I don’t like it, but I will complete this task with a heavy heart and optimism.  It is just another wrench thrown into the works.

I have begun to think about all of the things that I could do, with the time that I will have.  Writing my books is just one of them.  Keeping a clean house is one.  Building a cool porch this spring is one that I would like to accomplish.  Getting our camper ready for camping is another.  Finishing our yard would be great.  I even want to make a doll.  Hold the phone!  Yes, I did say make a doll.  I want to make a travel bug that will travel with us and take pictures of it when we find cool caches.  I have this idea for a doll that I think would be very cool; a doll about ten to twelve inches in height, dressed in an adventurer clothing, a porcelain face and hands, two ribbons on an arm (one light blue and one peach – each one representing the types of cancer my wife and I have), and a leather strap across his chest that has our geocaching name on it.  I also want to work on our geocaching caches, old ones and new ones.  I have a friend in the geocaching community that has some cool ideas for caches.  I think between the two of us we could make some pretty cool ones.  There is one that I would like to make that requires people to walk inside of to sign the log book, and possibly trade some travel bugs.  I have a jeweler kit and a leather works kit that I would like to dive into.

My wife is worried that I will get depressed while being stuck at home.  I’ve tried to tell her that I wouldn’t, but she is convinced that I am too use to working and that staying at home will drive into a depression that I won’t easily recover from.  I can see where she gets the idea from.  We took a vacation in 2014, and by the time we got home I was dying to go to work.  I love working!  Something I wish more people loved to do.  I know that this will get difficult at times.  It already has.  So far since I started chemo, I have to stay home for two days.  In those two days I get so bored it’s pathetic.  I have to go without work for a while.  How long?  I don’t know the answer to that question.  Hopefully I will get an answer in a few weeks.  I know the day will come that I will be able to return to the working class.  I plan on getting into shape before that day arrives.

What makes this hard is; I want to work, but my body says no!  I don’t want people to think that I was forced into not working by my boss.  He didn’t force me into shit.  As a matter of fact, he is one of my biggest supporters with this cancer.  He let me work, when he knew that it wasn’t a good idea for me to be out in the cold weather.  I have a ton of respect for the man.  I have literally seen him give the shirt off of his back to an employee that needed an FRC shirt to work in.  So let’s get the record straight here.  Cancer has forced me into not working and nothing else.  If I didn’t have cancer, my ass would be in bed right now so I would be ready for work the next day.

Anyways, back to the things I could do…

One novel is a creature feature (if you will).  That novel is titled “Hawthorne’s Bend” and should be completed later this year.  The other novel is a haunted house story, it’s title is “Abaddon” and it should be ready by Halloween.  Both books will first be released in E-Book format.  Hard copies will be released after that, and that is if they do well electronically.  Both books are in the final revision stages and before you ask, NO, no one is allowed to read them just yet.  I will tell you this about the books; My mother wouldn’t read them.  Too scary.  Both books have some not so nice moments in them.  I am however working on a book that my mother could read.  I have mentioned it before.  That story is about a family and the tragedy that they go through, it’s titled “Reflections” and it will be a year or two before it will come out.  I have several short stories that will be released this year as well.  Keep in mind that all of these stories, are stories that I have been working on for a very long time.  Some have been with me since high school, while some have been as recent as a month ago.  I’m always thinking about these stories and constantly coming up with new ones.  So with that being said, stay tuned, I even have an idea for this blog.  I will release a short story in this blog.  This blog will have some different pages to it and one of them will be dedicated to the story.  What that story is about, well I’ll say this; Metallica songs will be referenced a lot, the world has changed for the worst, a creature will hunt and kill, a man will be forced to do something he fears, and hopefully the reader will be engulfed within the story.  Like I said, it will come out in future posts as a series.  I’m not sure about a title as of yet.  Maybe I will make a trailer to it and have (YOU) vote on a title, maybe.

When I begin to work on the porch, I may need some help.  So if you have nothing better to do, I may ask for some help.  The yard work is something I can do on my own.  I’ve had some cool plans for the barren waste land we have for a yard.  I have a new GoPro camera and some ideas on what I want to do with it, so when I finish those videos you might want to check out my YouTube page.  I don’t have anything on it now, but I will one day.

I am also open to new ideas.  So if you have something in mind that you think I would enjoy or something that I should do, or just want to go fishing or geocaching with me just let me know.  I suppose that’s all I want to say for now.  So my friends, have a wonderful weekend and please be safe out there.

Classified Challenge

How would You classify yourself?  Stop and think about that for just a minute before answering.  Would you begin by putting yourself in a category, one of those “I am this type of person”?  Or would you ponder on the “How” part?  Let’s talk about that for just a moment, then we’ll get into the juicy part of this post.  Some people are quick to judge, while some are rather slow, and then there are those that believe they do not judge others.  So for now we have three types of people.  What should we label them?  For arguments sake let’s label them as follows; “Quick”, “Slow”, and “Forgiving”.  The “Quick” person can usually pin-point a person’s persona in less than a minute.  The “Slow” person can usually come up with a solution within five minutes.  The “Forgiving” person will change their opinion several times during this process.  The point in which we begin to pass judgement onto others (or Forgive), is when we first come into contact them.  Whether that being in person or when we first learn about their existence.  It is a natural thing to do, and we do so in the most selfish way.  Speaking of selfish, have you placed Yourself into one of these three types?  If you hadn’t, I bet a part of your mind just started the process when I asked you that question.  We do this in a manner of self-protection.  When we first meet someone, we tend to ask ourselves “Is this person a threat?”.  Most of us don’t realize we are doing it.  We’ve done it so many times that it has become second nature or an instinct if you will.  Now stop and think about the first question I asked you.

For as long as I can remember I have put people into two categories, “Surviving” and “Living”.  It usually took a day or two to place them into one or the other.  Now some people got shoved into one of them within seconds of me meeting them.  Once I placed them there, they usually stayed there.  I never changed my view of them in that manner (until recently).  Now that’s not to say that I didn’t change my opinion of what type of person they became, to me.  For example; When I first met (we’ll call him…) Metro.  Metro and I met over a common interest.  What that interest is, is not important but the moment is.  In that moment I had placed Metro into the Friendly person category, and Metro had placed me into the Dangerous person category.  He judged me on my appearance (Bald head, squinty eyes, heavy metal t-shirt).  To him, he thought that I was going to be trouble, since I was lingering around in his domain.  I judged him on how he was with the other people around us (Kind and approachable).  When the moment came that we would interact, he approached me with caution and I him with a question.  We spoke for several minutes, and would eventually become friends.  Metro was put into the “Living” category by the time we concluded our first meeting.  To me, he seemed to be a guy that was high on life and living his dream.  I would later learn that, that was not the case.  He remained in that category regardless.  Now my opinion of Metro has changed from when I first met him.  I still think of Metro as a friendly guy, but I have added several more categories to his personality as well, hell I’ve even taken him out of a few.  Now over the years Metro’s life has changed, as all of our lives do.  He would say that he is just doing enough to get by.  I would say he is living his life.

“Surviving” versus “Living”.  To me, a person who was doing just enough to get by was “Surviving”, while the person who was doing the best that they could was “Living”.  Try this on for size.  Imagine a person who is living in a low income apartment, no job, no apparent ambition in life to change their circumstances.  That person is in the “Surviving” category.  Now imagine a person who is living in a two-story house, has a career, and the apparent drive to obtain what they want.  That person is in the “Living” category.  Is that a fair assumption to make?  Like I said before, for a long time I thought so.  Based on that, what category would you place yourself in?

If you were to ask me a year ago, I would say that I was in the “Surviving” category.  I never took the chance to change my life for the better.  I just went with the flow.  The average dip-shit if you get my meaning.  I have done a lot of different things in my life as I’m sure most of us have.  My circumstances have changed from one end of the financial spectrum to the other and back again more than a dozen times.  I’m not saying that I’ve ever been filthy rich, but I have been financially secure for a time.  I had the money to pay the bills and do the things that I’ve wanted to do.  I have even been so poor that I was living on the streets.  Now most of my life was spent somewhere in between.  Still I would say that I was “Surviving”, because my circumstances would change me, but I would do very little to change my circumstances.  Does that make sense?  As you are reading this, are you making any connections?

If you were to ask me what category do I think I am in now, I would say neither or both.  Confused?  Let me explain.  Once I was diagnosed with cancer, I really began to think about my life.  Now don’t start thinking, oh shit here we go on the “Why did this shit have to happen to me?”, “I’m doomed!”, or “Poor me!”  I don’t think that way.  I started thinking about those two categories and why did it matter to me which category any of us were in.  What I have come up with so far is, it shouldn’t matter.  Try to swallow this pill.  Is a Cancer patient living their life or surviving it?  What about those people that are helping the Cancer patient?  I’m not talking about the Doctors, Nurses, or Specialists.  I’m talking about the Family and Friends.  Is the latter helping the patient survive, or is the patient helping the others to live?  I would say that they are helping each other with both.  Need a little more explanation there my friend?  Well follow me down this path; The following two people I have known for most of my life, keep in mind as you follow this scenario that we are going with the two categories of “Surviving” and “Living”.  The one in the “Living” category (We’ll call...) Anakin.  The one in the “Surviving” category (We’ll call…) Padme.  Now Anakin had been going down a dark and twisted path in life.  He thought he was living his life to the fullest by living in the moment.  He eventually lost everything he thought he was living for.  Anakin spent several years in that dark place, before coming to terms with his life and deciding to change it for the better.  He would one day walk down a lighter path in life, but not without any help.  Padme would be the one to help Anakin on this journey.  She would give up everything she knew to do so.  Padme would encourage Anakin to strive for the best, by being his foundation.  Anakin wanted the best for Padme and would do anything to see her happy once more.  Anakin knew that the constant support from her was beginning to ware on her.  This would make him fight harder, and eventually succeed.  Padme could see the fight in Anakin and would try even harder to be the stability he needed.  In short my friends, Anakin would change his life for the better only because Padme would remain the constant in his life.  Padme would live her life only to help Anakin survive his.  You see one can’t life without the other.  To survive you have to live, and vice versa.  Sorry for the Star Wars reference there… OK I’m not but maybe you got the point.

Today I look at life without those two categories to base people on.  I am living my life and surviving it at the same time.  When I look at others now, I realize that there was never a possibility for me to even come close to comprehending if they were living or surviving life simply based on my point of view.  It’s funny how things can change your perspective on life.  It took Cancer for me to stop and think about how I look at other people and how life is lived and survived.  What a difference a tiny ass cell can make.  So when you hear that phrase, “Even the smallest things can make a big difference.” You might want to pay attention just a little bit. 

So if you’re still reading this post, I bet you are wondering if we are ever going to get to the juicy part?  Well my friends here we go.  Now don’t get all judgmental on my ass here.  This part is more for you than for me.  Keep in mind that I do read all comments and replies to these posts and that others may read them as well.  So without further ado, it’s time to get those undies all twisted up and let the good times roll… or whatever floats your damn boat.

In this post I asked you some questions.  Remember I asked you as well to stop and think about it at the beginning.  I’m hoping that you placed yourself in a category (not the “Surviving” or “Living” ones) but rather the judgmental ones.  Which judgmental type are you?  Now be honest with yourself and then lie!  In your comments or replies, tell us which one you believe yourself to be or at least what you want us to believe.  Don’t worry, we won’t judge you too much.  We all have a thought of who we think we are and that that person is different (in a way) than the person others think we are.  If you don’t feel up to the task, ask yourself this; “Would it matter if they knew or not?”

That my friends could begin a very juicy conversation, or at least earn a couple likes on Facebook.  So hopefully you enjoyed this post or at least it gave you something to think about.  Remember… “The Force will be with you, Always” – Ha! I did it again.

Just another Friday Morning

As I sit here this morning reflecting on this past week, I find myself to be in a much better mood even though it is 4 am.  This past week of chemo was yet again a different experience.  Monday was infusion day, the doctors added more pre-medications and infusion took an extra hour.  No big deal.  It gave me time to watch a movie and meet a couple more people.  My Wife and Mother came with me.  They got bored so I sent them on a mission.  Earlier that morning they had mentioned that they would like to find a second hand store and do some browsing.  So I programmed the GPS for a really expensive joint.  Long story short they had a good laugh and did actually find a couple of places to browse.  They didn’t buy anything, but they at least weren’t bored.

That brings up something I’ve been meaning to ask you folks.  When a person is in the Hospital (or in my case “Infusion”) does the people that go with them have to stay with them?  What are your thoughts?  Mine is this; if the person that came with me to Infusion gets bored then go find something to do.  All I am doing is sitting there getting medications pumped into my body.  Yes, I have gotten sick while getting the infusion, but that was an experience that I shared with the porcelain god alone…LOL.  I normally just sit there with a tablet, or watch TV.  Now a friend of mine told me (I’m not going to mention any name here so don’t ask) that if someone went to the infusion room with me then they are obligated to stay during the process.  At first I would have agreed.  Having gone through it, I started feeling different about it after the third hour.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love the support I have been receiving from my family and friends.  Having someone constantly around feels kinda weird.  Kinda like they are waiting for something bad to happen so that they can respond or something like that.  I love the company, but I don’t like feeling like they owe it to me to stick around just because I’m sick.  So for those of you that do decide to come with me in the future, please bring an activity or a GPS for me to mess with and send you on a wild goose chase.  Let’s make a fun day out of a boring one, OK!

Enough of that!  This past week has been a rather slow one.  It wasn’t as painful as the one before.  Yesterday was a serious hangover kinda day.  I’m reminded during those days why I gave up drinking and drugs.  The hangovers suck!  Now I feel like a rut is coming that I’m about to get stuck in.  Every other week I have an Infusion.  Two days later the chemo bag comes off.  Thursday’s have been my worst days (so far), and Fridays usually start off pretty good.  So far so good right?  As long as this is the pattern, then I’m OK with this kind of rut.  So far the time I have to spend at home has been rather dull.  I don’t get into the stuff I use to enjoy!  This my friends is what I have come to call “The Sickness!”  Here’s why; when you enjoy something so much after a long day’s work and you find the time to do it, It’s fun.  When you are stuck at home and have all the time in the world to do the same thing you (at least I do) start to think about the other stuff you could be doing and no longer look enjoy it.  Does that make sense to you?  To me, that feeling of not enjoying something and the constant physical pains included is truly a sickness.  You could go mad!  Which in my case might not be a bad idea, since I am working on some stories.  Now don’t worry your pretty minds too much.  I’m a thinker (now a days) and not so much of a doer.  So those nasty ideas of pain and discomfort (only way I know to explain it) fall into the category of “That would be good in a story”.  “Hawthorne’s Bend”, and “Abaddon” are still in the process of final revisions and will hopefully be published this year.  The good Lord knows that I have the time to finish them, but “The Sickness” has set in and I have found that concentrating on them is rather difficult to do.  Now I have started work on two (yes two) other stories.  One I’m sure will be a novel, and the other…well let’s just say it’s a part two so far.  The one that I believe will be a novel, is one that will be the odd one out.  It is not a scary story or a thriller.  So far it’s a drama, a life story if you will.  “Reflections” has been a story that I’ve been working on for years (as most of them are) and I decided that now would be as good of a time as any to start working on it.  This story follows a family through a crisis and tells their story through memories and storytelling.  It will mirror my own life to some extent, but it is in all intent and purposes a fictional story.  Those of you close to me may see a familiarity in some of it, just keep in mind that I am using my own experiences in life to tell a story that I believe will be a good enough story to bring a tear to your eye.  The other story; well that one is for my Wife.  I promised her a thriller and now have a very good plot for her to work through.  It doesn’t have a title as of yet, but it is one I’m sure she will enjoy (I’m falling down on my knees and raising my hands up screaming please!).  It’s a good guy vs. bad guy story.

OK, so back to this past week.  The overall trip to Salt Lake City was a good one.  We went and saw the movie “The Revenant”.  It was a good one.  Kind of long.  I do recommend that movie to my Father.  He would enjoy it.  The bear scene was very cool.  The cinema photography is very good.  The supporting actor did a very good job as well.  Tom Hardy does a very good job of making you believe his character.  Oh my…I forgot his name, (I’ll never let go Jack) oh yeah Leonardo DiCaprio!  LOL.  Leonardo did pretty good too.  I’m not sure about the Oscars, but he was very good in it.  Go see this movie if you haven’t.  OH YEAH!  Go see SW: The Force Awakens if you haven’t done so yet (shame on you) …LOL. My Mother took us out to dinner and we had a good time there too.  The roads this time were very good.  We left Monday after my Infusion, and I believe I slept most of the way home.  Having my Mother go with us this time I think was a good idea.  She was curious about the whole thing and I believe it put her mind at ease a little.  She got to see how the Doctors handled things and how the Infusion thing goes.  She told me that she believes that I am in good hands, and I agree.  My wife as usual is the brick to the foundation during all of this.  She is a trooper I’ll give her that.  All the driving, the worrying, and being constantly on the move has got to be tiresome.  She still plugs away though.  My family has offered to give her a break, but she kindly declines and tells me that she would rather spend the time with me.  We have talked about this and I will leave it to her discretion on when she needs a break or not.  So for of you that are offering to give her a break, just keep in mind she is going to keep plugging away until she can’t go anymore.  She will accept the help when she is ready for it.  All I ask is that no one makes her feel like a fifth wheel, if you know what I mean.  She has been there for me from the beginning and I have no intention of ever shutting her out.  She is my ROCK!!!

Maybe this post makes sense, maybe it doesn’t.  I’ll leave that up to you to decide.  If you have any comments, please leave them below here.  You are more than welcome to share these posts on FACEBOOK or Google+.  If you need to talk to me privately you can email me at either 307kurth@gmail.com or at kurthx74@hotmail.com or on FACEBOOK or Twitter.  Just type my name in the last two and you should be able to find me.  I am always open to new ideas or suggestions.  Yes, I will try just about anything as long as I think it will help.  If I don’t use your advice, please don’t take it personally.

Sleepless Nights

Ever have one of those nights where you lay in bed tossing, turning, starring at nothing, and yes even the inevitable sigh?  Me too!  Let’s explore this a bit further.  Ever since I started with the chemotherapy, my sleep pattern has changed.  It’s harder to fall asleep and when I do the dreams that I’m entertained with are far too often weird.  When I’m engaged in a night like this, I just don’t stay in bed counting the ticks on the clock.  I tend to get up and either work on a book, watch TV, play a game, or work on these blogs. 

With my wife asleep in our room, I begin to miss the comfort of her body next to mine.  I’m sure she does too.  I just can’t lay there going “DUH!”  So I get up and find something to do.  Most of the time I’m just trying to stay warm.  Let’s face it, going through chemo is cold.  Your hands and feet tingle (like the frostbite tingle) like no other.  I spend a lot of time shivering and just trying to stay warm.  I tend to pry my mind away from that through our TV.  Most of the time it works, it takes a while, but it does work.  I just wish I could spend more time with my wife than what we do now.  She has been there for me and I appreciate that.  I will make it up to her when this is all said and done.

So when it comes to working on my book, I have to re-read what I have written, because I do tend to stray from the story.  A part of the chemo I’m sure.  What I end up with by the night’s end is a couple of scenes that might make it into the final cut.  The book I am working on now is fitting for this blog.  It is entitled “Reflections”.  It is a family story and a dramatic one at that.  Yes, I am taking parts of my life into account with this book, but it is by no means based on actual events or people.  It is a work of fiction.  Now some of you are wondering what happened to the other two books.  Don’t worry my friends they are still being worked.  Right now they are on the final edits.  Hopefully to be published this year.  Unlike the new book, those books are dark and scary.

When it comes to the Xbox, I haven’t done too much with it.  I keep forgetting what I am doing in the game or I just don’t feel like playing a game.  I know some of you are going, “WHAT!”  Don’t worry too much about that.  I do get going on a game and I do have fun with them.  Right now I’m playing “Dragon Age: Inquisition”, “Fall Out 4”, “Whitcher 3”, and “Tomb Raider”.  I’m not stuck in any of them, just bouncing around and trying to keep my mind off of the lack of sleep thing.

Now when I do get to go to sleep, I sleep long and hard, one just has to grab my pillow to find out.  That sucker is wet.  Now is it from sweat or drool, I’m not sure maybe a mixture of both.  All I know is that I feel a shit load better when I wake up.

So what do you guys do when you just can’t fall asleep.  Leave your replies in the comments below.  I’m interested in what you guys do.  Maybe it will help me out a bit.

Thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoyed our time together.  Sweet dreams and until next time…….”The Force will be with you, Always”

Geocaching and Cancer

One of our favorite things to do is a little game called “Geocaching”.  My wife and I started caching almost three years ago.  We have found 292 caches so far.  We have hidden over 50 of them.  What the game is all about is adventure.  Someone places an item called a “Cache” somewhere out in the world.  The object of the game is to get the coordinates to the cache and then go find it.  Using a GPS or a smart phone with the app is the easiest way to play.  Once you find it, you sign a log sheet and trade an item (if the cache is big enough to have items in it) or drop off these things called “Travel Bugs”.  There are over 2 million caches out in the world.  There are many different elements to the game.  Some caches are events or puzzles, virtual tours, etc. 

Since my diagnoses day, we haven’t found many caches.  As a matter of fact, we have found five.  I have decided that as long as my health is good, my goal is to reach a total of 500 caches found by the end of the year.  We only have 208 to go.  Now going outside and searching for these caches may get a bit tricky with it being cold outside right now.  I realize that I might just have to put it off for a while.  Well the searching outside part at least.  I can go do some research on the different caches that are out there during the cold days and then go find them when its warmer.  Our current trip to Salt Lake City has given me the opportunity to plan out some caches.  Today (after we checked into our hotel) we took my Mother out for an adventure and searched for a cache.  We found one in a visitor center in downtown.  The cache itself wasn’t too hard to find.  It was out in the open for all to see.  We introduced my Mom to a new aspect of the game, “Puzzles”.  We traded seven travel bugs for two.  The seven we dropped off were mostly new ones that I made (5 of them) and two were ones that I had picked up in one of my caches out in Lysite, WY.

Since having cancer doesn’t mean (at least for me) that I am condemned to no fun.  I am using this game as a means to get out of the house and do something fun.  I get all bundled up and take off.  Now most of the adventure is done via our “MV” (minivan for those who have forgotten) and I don’t have to walk everywhere.  Yet I do get some exercise in.  When I get ready to go out and hunt caches, I get excited and start to feel good.  You know, kinda like when you feel like shit and then after moving around you feel better!  It’s like that. 

If you are looking for an activity to do with a friend or with your family, may I suggest that you look into geocaching.  Go to (www.geocaching.com) for all the information on how to get started.  The membership is free.  There is a subscription option.  It costs $39 for a year.  With that you get access to premium caches and some tools like pocket queries, notifications and much more.  Now you do not need to buy the premium membership to enjoy this game.  You still get access to over 2 million caches and events.  You get your own profile page when you sign up.  One of the fun things about this game is sharing your experiences finding caches with others.  If you do sign up and need some help getting started just let me know.  I would be happy to help.

2015's Rear-view Mirror and Movies

So this year has been a fast moving, life changing, revealing kind of year.  It didn’t seem all that long ago that 2015 had just started.  I had just found this channel on YouTube, that gave me info on movies (even Star Wars).  Collider Video has been my go-to source for movies this year.  Speaking of movies; Avoid “Love the Coopers” as much as possible.  If I were to rate that movie it wouldn’t score very high.  It has a good cast, but it takes too long to develop the story.  If you are completely bored and have nothing better to do than watch this movie, I suggest making a snow angel in your undies. You might have a better time.  Since I’m on the subject of movies let’s talk about a few more.  I’ll be quick about it.  In short I’ll just score the ones I’ve seen.  My score system looks at five categories.

1 Story Movement; is it slow, confusing, fun, or boring.

2 Visual Effects; do the effects interfere with the story or help it.

3 Soundtrack/Score; Does the music fit, hinder or help the plot.

4 Acting; Are the actors believable or do they suck.

5 Entertainment; How entertaining is the movie experience over all

Not too many movies get 5 points, and I believe I’m pretty fair on the scoring.  So here we go.

Love The Coopers – 2.25

Krampus – 3.5

Hunger Games part 2 – 4.0

Star Wars Episode 7 – 4.5

In The Heart of the Sea – 4.75

Ex Machina – 4.25

The Martian – 4.75

Mad Max: Fury Road – 4.5

Kingsman: The Secret Service – 4.0

Inside Out – 4.0

Avengers: Age of Ultron – 4.5

Jurassic World – 4.25

Vacation – 3.25

Enough of that!!!

I bet you can tell that I’m getting pretty bored.  Sitting in a bed is not my idea of fun.  Heck right now I’m standing at the foot of the bed, typing as they are working on my chemo bags.  So less to do and so much time to fuck it up…LOL!  My wife would love to have time like that.  Well not under these circumstances, but she would love to have time to just sit there and go……um……duh!  I’m not sure she would do that, but she would like a chance I’m sure.  The first go around of the whole chemo thing wasn’t too bad.  Like I said in a previous post; not bad.  If this is how it is going to be than bring it on!  Laugh if you will, because even I have scoffed at that notion.  Knock on wood, fucker!  If I keep saying “Bring it on”, it just might do that and I may end up praying to the porcelain god and fighting the urge to soil my skivvies at the same time.  What a sight that would be.  I better hide the video cam and change Raenae’s YouTube password!

(Update)

Today is the seventh day of the new year.  What you were reading above was the twenty-ninth of December.  I had to stop typing because I jinxed myself.  Moments later I was praying!  I didn’t soil myself, Oh no!  The next few days prevented that and created a whole new definition of New Year’s Hangover for me.  Let’s just say that I wish I would have had to ditch the skivvies that day.  I went back to the hospital on New Year’s Eve.  They unplugged my chemo bag and we had a little discussion about constipation.  The pharmacy there was closed at the time of the visit.  So the lovely folks (and I do mean that; they are good people) at the hospital and I talked about ways to relieve the pain.  OK, so here’s what we came up with (If you want to win a fart war then pay attention!).  First thing you do is pick up the following items: 1/2 gallon of Prune juice, a bottle of Senna-S, and some Mira lax.  Go mix that up!  I don’t recommend mixing the powder with the juice, NASTY!!!  Without going into breakfast loosing, lunch tossing, or dinner regurgitation details; I’ll just say I won whatever Fart war we would have had, and yes the pain did go away.

That last experience had me thinking; this isn’t going to be a cake walk.  That whole week and into the weekend I didn’t feel very good.  As a matter of fact, I felt the worst I have felt in a very long time.  I couldn’t really enjoy the New Year’s events that Salt Lake City had to offer that night, but I did get to spend time with my wife in bed just talking and playing Yahtzee.  The trip home was much better this time.  We had no issues with the weather or the roads.

So in short my friends, I must apologize for this post.  I thought about deleting it and starting over, but then again what would be the point of tagging along with me on my journey if I edit it to only highlight the good stuff.  I’m not doing this for pity or attention.  I’m doing this blog to benefit from sharing my experience with cancer and trying to hone my writing skills, that’s it.  I hope you guys enjoy the posts that I have done and will continue to do.  If you don’t like them, well then stop coming to the blog.  You can get my usual rants about stuff on Facebook.  If you do enjoy them, well then thank you for stopping by and I hope to entertain you in the future.  So with that said, Happy New Year!