February 28, 2016

I stint can't sleep!!!

What a nightmare!  I bet even Freddy Krugger hates stints in the esophagus.  This little bugger has me in so much pain that I can barely stand it.  It toys with me too.  I get to this point when I think I can just fall asleep and then BAH-WAMO!  The chest pains kick into overdrive and my throat starts burning.  I'm even jacked up on morphine and acid reducers.

Think that's bad?  Let me introduce you to an old friend, "The Heave Monster"  You remember that nasty cus don't you?  That feeling you get just before the contents of your guts come out of your mouth with Exorcist intentions.  Yeah!  That bugger.  Well let him hang out with a stint for a while.  WOW!  What a difference that makes.  You have no control over your stomach reflexes or the throat for that matter.  If it wants out it's gonna try, and fail miserably.  It's funny how this works.  You feel like you are about to blow chunks (I'm not talking about the clown either you sick bastards), then...NOTHING!!!  There you are positioned over the porcelain altar and everything is good to flow.  Nope, you feel that rise come up and then what feels like pressure build up and just when you think it's time to explode, it all settles down and just burns the throat and your chest starts to hurt real bad.  You pound on your chest, you jump up and down, you jerk around like a madman, and repeat steps one and two, then you cuss the damn dog for getting under your feet, and you stare at the innocent lady sleeping on the couch with a look that would probably scare the shit out of her if she woke up at that moment.  Then it all settles down and you feel like passing out, but wait there's more!  Just when you are about to fade to black; the hiccups start and the process starts all over again.

That my friends is how it has been all night.  I think I will just sit on the couch and read a Predator book that I picked up and see what happens.  Either I will get pretty far in the book and not remember a damn word of it, or I will remember, or I will fall asleep and deal with the burning throat when I wake up.  Last night I fell asleep on the couch all propped up and suffered when I woke up.  My wife said I looked peaceful and stuff when she got up and went to work.  Maybe that will work again.

This stint thing does have it's benefits though.  I'm not sure what the hell they are yet, but the doctors told me it's the last ditch effort before a feeding tube gets installed.  I haven't eaten anything all day.  I've drank Ensure and other supplemental drinks just to get the protein and vitamins that I need.  So I know that I am not just withering away with hunger pains.  Hell No!  I looked at myself in the mirror the other night in the hotel room, boy don't do that with a full body mirror (unless you're a hot ass model) and expect to see anything good.  I saw a skinny ass person standing in front of me with what looked like skin sucked tight over some bones.  I wonder if they need a toothless zombie on "The Walking Dead" show?  It wouldn't take much to kill it, just let it gum a body and starve.  I guess that wouldn't be active enough for a show.  It would be funny as hell to watch for a minute though.

Damn here we go again,  I'll be back!  Thank the maker for Lysol Click Gels (the toilet bowl cleaner)!  Those little bastards help keep the nasty aroma of the shitter down to a minimum, when you have your face bobbing in and out of the area!  All that heaving and no blood.  A damn good thing if you ask me.  It hurt just as bad as slamming your pinky finger in the car door, or getting your genitalia caught in a zipper.  A sharp quick pain that fades away in a little while and leaves one with a hell of a reminder.  Fold, tuck, shimmy, pull, or whatever you feel like doing just so you don't do that again. Except that I don't know what the hell I'm doing to make this happen.

I know my wife is sleeping good, I wish I could sleep like that.  She fell asleep on the couch and then went to bed and I swear that she damn near didn't miss a beat in the snoring category.  Funny thing about my wife and her snoring.  If she reads this she will probably kick my ass, but it is funny.  One night she fell asleep with a tommy problem.  I swear to you that this actually happened.  I shit you not!  She would snore loudly while inhaling and then when she exhaled, she would give out a little toot and say "cuse me" in a little voice and she repeated that for over an hour with each breathe.  You gotta love a woman that could accomplish making you laugh while she sleeps.  There is a sort of simplicity to life when you experience those moments.  "Snore, fart, cuse me"  Oh my, just thinking about that moment helped with the pain, or maybe it's the morphine.  I know that my wife is struggling with this stuff as well.  She sometimes has to go into another room when she sees me having trouble like what I described earlier.  There is nothing she can do to help or to ease the pain, and she knows it.  It bugs the hell out of her.  I know that it would piss me off, if I were in that situation.  At least at the moment she is not having to deal with it.  I watch her sometimes when she sleeps.  She looks so peaceful and content with the world.  I have no idea how she is dealing with all of this and not blowing up.  I'm not gonna say I'm expecting her to blow up, she has dealt with a lot of shit in her life, and I believe she has the mindframe to pull through this as well.  Don't get me wrong here.  I know that she is venting to someone when I can't hear her.  I would do the same if I were in her shoes.  A person has to vent.  Whatever she is doing, I hope she is able to continue to do it throughout this treatment.

I guess that will do it for the night.  I just had another spell in the throne room and this time I feel really tired.  So I'm going to try and get some sort of rest.  Have a good weekend folks and hopefully I get to see some of you soon.


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